Boobies And Blood – Horror Movie Reviews

Masters of Horror Rob Schmidt Right To Die

I liked this one, I guess, but it highlights one of the major problems with the entire Masters of Horror concept, more than likely created by horror fans like myself with unrealistic expectations: nothing about Right to Die is all that interesting or memorable, and certainly not MASTER worthy.

Even with all the gore you’ll find here, this episode isn’t half as creepy as some half hour Twilight Zones shot over fifty years ago…and without the gore, Right to Die wouldn’t be worth watching at all. The performances are flat, motivations hard to believe, and the ending insane.

Notable only for the fairly enormous broobies on our heroine. I just can’t help wanting and expecting more.

Horror Rating: 2 out of 5

Boobies Rating: 3 out of 5

Julia Anderson

Julia Anderson

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Club Dread

This movie is a total laugh riot! It manages to succede as a dead on parody of 80′s style horror. Think “Return of the Living Dead”. It’s got a little of that old Stuart Gordan/Sam Ramai vibe. Anyway, the Broken Lizard guys (super troopers, beerfest) are the new Farrelly brothers. They remain criticlly underrated, and with this movie, undervalued.

A good rent for a laugh as it is a horror/comedy and should not necassarily be thought as a horror.  Hey its got boobies and thats good enough for us here at boobies and blood.

Horror Rating: 1 out of 5

Boobies Rating: 2 out of 5

Jordan Ladd

Elena Lyons & ?

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High Tension

High Tension is a gritty, unnerving horror film that is so gory but remains to be a good film without just relying on being a blood bath. The title does it justice as my heart was racing in many scenes. I know many did not like the ending because of the loopholes, but watch the extras especially the filmakers interview. It actually clears alot up if you didn’t get it. I also recommend getting the unrated version. One of the reasons I found this movie so creepy, is that is felt very realistic and unpredictable and wasn’t your typical teen slasher flick.  There is a good amount of gore and a half way decent boobies scene. This horror movie is one to watch.

Horror Rating: 4 out of 5

Boobies Rating: 1 out of 5

Don't Loose your head over the plot twist...

House of The Dead

Oh so painfully, painfully lame. Plot holes you could sail a battleship through, cheap under-par sets, terrible scripting, and oh look, the cop has a magic holster that fills her gun with bullets! Watching someone play the very shallow arcade game that this was based on is more fun and exciting than this washed-out wad of tripe. This is nothing but a big tacky ball of tedium made to ride on the success of a very aged and tired video game who’s glory days are long since past.

At one point the kids find a ships log that tells of a crewman that killed the Captain and the whole crew and went on to beach the ship and go crazy. So tell me, who wrote all this down in the ships log if everyone but the maniac was dead? Holes like this are more than abundant and continuity is a term lost on these guys. A bad ride all around, give it a missthis ones a “sure snore”.

Horror Rating: 1 out of 5

Boobies Rating: 3 out of 5

Erica Parker

Penny Phang

Sonya Salomaa

Leprechaun 3

I can’t help but love the Leprechaun movies. It’s very far from being scary, it’s more like a dark comedy. Filled with magic and a three foot Leprechaun killing people. In this one Leprechaun is in Las Vegas once again looking for his gold coin and killing anyone who gets in his way.

This one is my favorite out of the series just because the deaths are really weird and entertaining. The people who take this movie seriously are the ones who won’t like it. I think it’s pretty clear when watching this that you arn’t getting a serious horror movie that will frighten you but it’s still a fun movie.

Horror Rating: 1 out of 5

Boobies Rating: 2 out of 5

Heidi Staley

Heidi Staley

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Deer Woman

For starters, if you’re looking for a scary movie, look somewhere else. This is probably one of the funniest horror flicks Ive seen in a while and for me, thats perfectly acceptable. The movie deals with the legend of the Deer Woman, a sort of femme fatale with a kick being chased by the typical underdog detective with a troubled past.John Landis masterfully manages to prove that, one, he is one hell of a director and, two, it is utterly impossible to make a scary deer. Watch this gem and have a good laugh.

Horror Rating: 1 out of 5

Boobies Rating: 3 out of 5

Cinthia Moura

Cinthia Moura

Carver

This is a low budget horror movie that doesn’t really anything new to the genre. What I mean by this is that it’s not only missing a lot of the finishings of a fully funded production but also that it fails to provide anything really innovative to make up for it. The sound is not great, nor is the filming or acting. Most of the characters are stock characters from these sort of slasher movies that try to follow in the tradition of Texas Chainsaw.

The movie has some intense scenes and some brutally violent action, along with some minor commentary on cinema and violence–although not very well thought out and the moves low budget makes it feel hokey at times. If you like slashers and don’t mind low budget independent film making (by what looks like college students) you’ll enjoy this one, If your not into that then stay away.

I enjoyed both Texas Chainsaw, Hills Have Eyes, and House of A Thousand Corpses all much better. They all do a better job at providing commentary along with the violence than this movie does. Of course, don’t let this deter you if you’re a fan of the genre because you may, again, end up enjoying it quite a bit.

Horror Rating: 4 out of 5

Boobies Rating: 2 out of 5

Savannah Costello

Savanna Costello

Dark Ride

I was expecting disappointment but was pleasantly surprised with this slasher movie. The plot is a little thin but heavy plot is not what an avid slasher fan is looking for. High body count and truly creepy cinematography make this one of the better slashers to come out in awhile.  It is very reminiscent of the 1981 horror movie “Funhouse”

The cat and mouse scenes with the masked killer reminded me of the 80′s slasher Stage Fright, which, by the way is another great rental for those of you seeking classic slasher films. The ending of this film was a bit of a let down but not enough to drag the film down. Give this one a look.

Horror Rating: 3 out of 5

Boobies Rating: 1 out of 5

Andrea Bogart

Masters of Horror: Mick Garris: Chocolate 2005

This installment of ‘masters of horror’ seemed kinda out of place from the get-go. Mick Garris is not considered by many to be a master of horror but he is the man behind the ‘masters of horror’ series and that’s commendable.

my biggest ‘complaint’ is that ‘chocolate’ is not necessarily of the horror genre but more of a thriller. That aside, ‘Chocolate’ isn’t too bad as a crime thriller about a man (henry thomas) who starts hearing and seeing from someone else’s perspective. the movie’s title comes from the first encounter involving tasting chocolate in his mouth. Slowly the main character seems to be able to hone and control these visions and such. At some point, the character sees whose perspective he’s experiencing and he falls in love with the woman.

The story moves on and the man is woken by the vision of the girl killing her boyfriend. After that, the man tracks down the girl in an attempt to save her/confess his odd love.

Garris pulls it off for the most part. The ending is a little lackluster but works. Henry Thomas gives a decent performance and Matt Frewer is enjoyable as his weirdo/middle-aged in denial friend. Definatly not the best in the series but worth checking out if you like thrillers with a little erotic edge. Feels very 90s.

Horror Rating: 1 out of 5

Boobies Rating: 3 out of 5

Ali Staseson

Leah Graham

Lucie Laurier

Masters of Horror: Dario Argento Jenifer 2006

My favorite episode so far of the “Masters of Horror” series. Steven Weber (of the “Wings” repeats that were perpetually syndicated on USA during the 90s) is a trench-coat wearing police officer who saves a horribly disfigured woman from certain death. The woman has a horribly mangled face, with twisted lips and gnarly, jagged teeth, but she sports a might fine body, and of course Weber is all over that action, which is conveyed via several strangely hot yet disturbing sex scenes.

Detective Weber soon learns, however, that the carnal pleasures offered by co-dependant disfigured folk come with a very high price. Argento is a horror god, and we all know it. Although this short film isn’t steeped in the bombast or color and purity of setting that permeated his previous work, Argento manages a very nice and precise sense of mood, accentuated by some great high-angle establishing shots and incisive gore.

This episode of Masters of Horror leaves the male viewer feeling conflicted, as Argento and the smoking-hot performance of Carrie Ann Fleming as the carnally astute Jenifer make for an erotic experience that leaves an unpleasant (yet strangely fascinating) aftertaste. Highly recommended for horror fans or those who thought that Tenebrae was an example of pure genius (which is was).

Horror Rating: 4 out of 5

Boobies Rating: 3 out of 5

Carrie Ann Fleming

Carrie Ann Fleming

Brenda James