Boobies And Blood – Horror Movie Reviews

The Rats

A mediocre, mildly entertaining “animals going wild because of human experimentation” movie, which follows all the usual and typical patterns of this kind of films: the heroine and the hero all alone to fight the threat against the authorities which obviously have an economical interest (this time there is going to be a world fair in NYC) to hide the threat from the public. It goes without saying, the hero and the heroine fall in love. And of course, at the end of the movie, when everyone thinks the wild beasts have been forever exterminated, some other rats show up.

The acting is not that bad in fact its much better then most made for cable movies. There is little in the way of gore or a lot of violence but there are boobies and there is some blood so there you go.

Horror Rating: 1 out of 5 (I only give it a one if your a little squeamish about rodents, lots of rodents. Otherwise its a zero)

Boobies Rating: 1 out of 5

Kim Poirier

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Diary of the Dead

Diary of the Dead brings George Romero back to the genre he helped to create, complete with a delicious social commentary. A kind of Cloverfield meets zombies, this movie is very well done. Jason (Joshua Close) is a film student making a horror movie, when on the news are some breaking reports of zombies (though no one seems to know what they are, other than walking dead.) As more and more news begins to come through, Jason decides to keep filming their experience, partly to cope with his terror over the situation, partly to produce a truthful documentary, especially as it seems that the government begins to cover up information. Though Diary of the Dead is low budget, the acting isn’t bad, the effects are pretty decent, and the story is well done. George Romero cautiously tells the story of how anarchy, martial law, and survivalists come to the front of the war, with a voyeuristic view. Purist zombie fans will not be disappointed with the: “dead things can’t movie fast” aspect. Clearly this movie isn’t for everyone, but if you missed Romero’s social commentary with the dead, this is one you will not be disappointed in. If you are a purist and a zombie lover, this is one for you.

Horror Rating: 4 out of 5

Boobies Rating: 2 out of 5

Amy Ciupak

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Arachnia

Brett Piper….the man is pound-for-pound the most consistently entertaining director making b-movies today. Always fun and upbeat, his movies possess a good-natured charm to which no other b-director comes close. Fans of Piper’s CYCLOPS, will want to take note of his mutant spider opus ARACHNIA, as it reunites a number of CYCLOPS alumni in similar roles. Returning are Rob Monkiewicz as The Square-Jawed Hero, the lovely Irene Joseph as The Tough Girl Love Interest, and Dan Merriman as Mr. “Trouble Follows Me Everywhere”. Joining the fun are two bubble-heads played by the gorgeous Bevin McGraw and the curvaceous Alexxus Young, who, much to the delight of internet geeks everywhere, is kind enough to provide the required gratuitous fan-service.Yes we are talking boobies here and the world is a better place for it.

When their plane crash lands during a meteor shower, a group of archeology students on their way to a dig site in Arizona finds themselves holed-up in a rundown shack fighting off the mutant horde. Think TARANTULA crossed with NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD. It’s not exactly high concept, but Piper keeps the dialogue sharp and the action moving, which is really all you ask from the recent crop of mutant creature-run-amok pictures. To Piper’s credit, in a day in age when most mutant spider pictures would employ some sort of CGI, he relies on old-school, Ray Harryhausen-like stop motion to bring his creatures to life, another Piper Hallmark. It lends his movies a timeless vibe akin to creature-features from the 1950′s and 1960′s. Sure, ARACHNIA’s effects are noticeably horrible, but that’s part of the low-budget charm that made Roger Corman’s films so memorable today. Those that find stop-motion distracting shouldn’t worry, for the most part the movie isn’t especially effects heavy until the climax where the action moves from the farmhouse to the creatures underground lair.  It has it’s share of bad acting but for the most part its bareable.

Horror Rating: 1 out of 5 ( good for some luaghs though)

Boobies Rating: 2 out of 5

Alexxus Young

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Brotherhood of the Wolf

A wolf like creature has been tormenting a village by killing its people, sparing not women nor child. The villagers are in constant fear, even with a commanding General trying to trap and kill the wild beast, but to no avail. Naturalist and taxidermist Gregoire De Fransac and his Indian cohort Mani, have been sent by the Kings orders to kill the beast and bring back its body. This is an intriguing tale along side unsound horrors, supernatural inquiries, and the unjust powers that be. Intertwined with beautiful scenery and outstanding cinematography, it is visually stimulating. Although at over 2 hours long, it is not quite overdrawn. The time flies through this compelling story with deep plots, action sequences and ultimate vengeance. This film has the power to draw frequent emotions from the viewer, especially in the interest of the characters. We cheer for the protagonists, root for the love story and jest the killer. Not uncommon with Hollywood Blockbusters.Highly recommended for the film in itself, along side the great list of actors including Vincent Cassel.

Horror Rating: 3 out of 5

Boobies Rating: 2 out of 5

Monica Bellucci

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Burial of The Rats

Dance! to the mad pied music of the Marie-Antoinette dress-a-like rat queen and her coven of barely lingerie-clad anti-patriarchal revolutionary ex-prostitutes! Thrill to the Symbionese-style abduction and conversion of Bram Stoker prior to writing his masterpiece,  Dracula! A mighty career bookended by crazy rat tyrants and seductively fanged snake ladies!  The story of this movie is not too bad, but the acting, script, and video quality of this movie takes it down.

Horror Rating: 1 out of 5

Boobies Rating: 5 out of 5

Adrienne Barbeau

Maria Ford

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Ghost Lake

The only scary part of this movie is the acting. Easily one of the worst zombie movies i’ve ever seen. With B-horror films I expect & disregard bad acting but I at least expect a lot of gore, makeup & special effects, and suspenseful scenes, unfortunately this movie had none of that. The facial makeup and effects of the zombies resembled more like mushed- bananas or over-boiled oatmeal

This movie is more of a bad comedy than it is a serious horror film… It’s so lousy and ridiculous that I laughed all the way through it.  The only saving grace of this movie is the Boobies being shown in the first 15 minutes or so, after that you can turn it off.

Horror Rating: 1 out of 5

Boobies Rating: 2 out of 5

Tatum Adair

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The Forsaken

Taking a chapter out of “After Dark” and a page out of “Joy Ride”, “The Forsaken” is a hip, dark and violent look into the life of vampirism. When Sean (Kerr Smith) takes a week off of work to drive a car to Miami and to attend his sister’s wedding, he runs into a band of misfit vampires…and a hunter named Nick (Brendan Fehr) who is trying to stop them. Against his better judgment, Sean agrees to help a transient girl who appears to be very ill. When the girl bites Sean, Nick then explains that she has been infected by a vampire and by effect, so has he now. Using the girl as bait, they formulate a plan which will bring the vampires to them on holy ground where they try to end their bloody rampage.

As far as vampire movies go, this one was actually pretty good. The special effects were excellent, the vampires were frightening, the actors were solid and the story was intelligent and well developed (for the most part).  Its good enough to watch and sit through but probably not good enough to suggest to your friends.

Horror Rating: 4 out of 5 (plenty of good bloody scenes)

Boobies Rating: 4 out of 5

Beth Ann Styne

Izabella Miko

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Julia Schultz

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Dagon

One of the best Lovecraft adaptations, rivaling the producer and director’s own camp champ, “Reanimator” (1985). Darker yet not above loopy fun, “Dagon” comes closer to the spirit of Lovecraft’s writing. All the master horror writer’s most perverse themes are here — taboo, blasphemy, mutation, cult worship, and the poisonous allure of ancient lore. Yuzna, Paoli and Gordon add a George Romero-esque siege to keep the plot moving, while still taking the occasional hideous detour (one remarkable set piece will change how you think about face-lifts forever). A literate script, several winning performances, unexpectedly high production values, and inventive direction making good use of its Spanish seaside locations mark this out as one of the best B movie surprises in years.

Horror Rating: 3 out of 5

Boobies Rating: 2 out of 5

Raquel Merono

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Cabin Fever

If you are a fan of  good classic 80′s type horror you will enjoy this movie. You get gore, humor, and suspense in this package. I miss that in horror films today. Think “28 days Later” meets “Deliverance” with very mild “Scary Movie” humor.

The Humor in this movie isn’t as blatant as a real comedy, but it’s funny in the sense of being able to see certain things that could happen in real life. Like kids making lemonade out of unfiltered lake water and selling it. As some reviewers have stated, you don’t know how the virus started and that would bug you if you don’t look at the film for what it is.  It’s a good old fashioned horror film to gross you out and make you feel good about yourself because you’re not as stupid as the cast.

Cabin Fever has lots of gore, lots of stupidity, lots of really good humor.  It has some boob scenes but Its the blood and gore that make this movies worth watching

Horror Rating: 3 out of 5

Boobies Rating: 2 out of 5

Cerina Vincent

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Fright Night

Tom Holland’s vision of this movie is very campy, but relatively fun. With a bit of overacting, and special effects that were short of spectacular in 1985. This movie is really good for nostalgic purposes, but not one to show someone expecting a modern vampire romp.

Fright Night portrays vampires in a relatively close adherence to traditional vampire mythos. Traveling as mist, transforming into bats and wolves, aversion from crosses and holy water, lack of reflection, vulnerability to sunlight, vampiric hypnotism etc… Mix in a little Blood and some boobies and you got yourself a good horror movie.

Fright Night is classic, but the age of the film and campy overacted nature may make many viewers gag. Those of you who enjoy a fun little romp and can look past “Evil Ed” will get a solid 106 minutes of entertainment out of this movie. The movie straddles a difficult combination of horror and comedy more on the side of horror than comedy, which leaves the viewer a little bit unsure of what to think.

Horror Rating: 3 out of 5

Boobies Rating: 2 out of 5

Amanda Bearse

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