Boobies And Blood – Horror Movie Reviews

Jack-O

Ok here’s the deal on this movie, It has very bad acting and super cheesy special effects. But it was good for some laughs although I think what I was finding funny was not actually supposed to be funny so yeah, its one of those.

Spoiler:

This film had possibly the most creative death scene of any movie ever made. It goes down like this:

There’s a middle-aged woman who is scared for her life because she finds out that somebody just killed her husband. So she grabs a knife and starts sneaking through the house . But when she gets to the kitchen, the killer Jack-O-Lantern busts through a door right in front of her. The lady freaks out, trips, and the knife she was holding stabs into a toaster on the counter. This produces an electric shock that fries her body to a horribly gruesome skeleton. Yes, a man with a pumpkin for head scared her and she fell and was killed by a toaster. If that’s not originality, I don’t know what is.

This horror movie has some blood and gore but for the most part it was horrible, The only real saving grace was the couple of boob scenes.

Horror Rating: 1 out of 5 (It has some nifty scenes, but they are all laughable)

Boobies Rating: 3 out of 5

Linnea Quigley

Rachel Carter

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Halloween

I didn’t mind that Zombie was remaking Halloween, in fact I thought it would be good since I love The Devil’s Rejects and house of a 1,000 corpses, however, everything that is wrong with this film falls squarely on the director’s shoulders. For me the disappointment was all about the camerawork and his decisions to use it the way he did.

Unfortunately Zombie uses such extreme close ups every 20 seconds or so and it is more then distracting. Most of the killings, he decided that would be the time to use the shaky cam and blur stuff out and use some weird green hues.  Sometimes I couldn’t even tell which characters were on the screen.   Large noses everywhere and I really  could not tell who was who.  I also don’t really want to see the inside of Danny Trejo’s nose! That being said, this film also defies logic. Throws it right out the window. You will know what I mean when you see it but then again it is horror, and the horror movie genre usually defines logic.

The upside, the music is great (that’s a given, it’s Zombie), again I like all of the character actors in this and the kid who plays young Mikey seems to be  talented, and I thought the updated Mask and how it came to be in Michael’s hands was great. The adult Michael is such a freakishly large guy that it alone made him seem a little frightening.

Despite the crappy camera work, Zombie as in his other two movies made some great blood splattering scenes filled with gore and horror.  He showed a decent amount of boobies and for that I give him kutos.  Worth the watch regardless of the trendy shaky camera.

Horror Rating: 4 out of 5

Boobies Rating: 4 out of 5

Danielle Harris

Danielle Harris

Hanna Hall

Kristina Klebe

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Interview With The Vampire

Horror author Anne Rice penned the screenplay for this full-blooded adaptation of her novel, which chronicles the life of 18th-century nobleman Louis (Brad Pitt) after he is bitten by powerful, charismatic vampire Lestat (Tom Cruise).

Though enthralled with the undead lifestyle at first, Louis is unable to warm up to killing humans and grows despondent. To comfort Louis, Lestat creates another vampire (Kirsten Dunst in a star-making performance), a young girl who from then on cannot age.

Antonio Banderas appears as Armand, a 400-year-old vampire, and Christian Slater plays the radio producer who interviews the remorseful Louis.  There is boobies and there’s a little  blood.

Horror Rating: 2 out of 5 ( Its just a little creepy)

Boobies Rating: 2 out of 5

Laure Marsac

Missy Yager

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The Ruins

The Ruins is a decent movie with a good cast, just without a great story. Similar stories have been done before. A group of college aged kids take a vacation to an exotic locale. Bad things happen. We have all seen it before, right? This one is slightly different, as the kids decide to see something beautiful, some ruins, before they leave. They drive and hike to the location of the ruins, and (to avoid spoiling anything) end up trapped on the ruins. One of their cell phones is taken; the other doesn’t work. Now we have a set-up for the necessity to go exploring in places better left alone.

Unfortunately, this movie tries to be a thriller, but it really isn’t. There weren’t really any scares at all, as the movie relies on gore and mutilation  to scare us. If that doesn’t scare you or if your not into it then this movie is best left alone. If seeing a person cut and claw at their body (or someone else’s) disturbs you, do not see this movie. There was some beauty in the film, as the cinematography was great and the acting was good, there just wasn’t enough reason to care what really happened to the characters, as the characters and plot had no real depth, and there wasn’t a lot of tension, just gore.  There was a great scene where Laura Ramsey went topless and we got to see her majestic boobies.  All in all Gore and Boobies in decent amounts, and thats all what we are about here.

Blood Rating: 3 out of 5

Boobies Rating: 3 out of 5 (Laura Ramsey naked towel scene)

Laura Ramsey

Laura Ramsey

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Bram Stokers Dracula new art

Bram Stokers Dracula

BRAM STOKER’S DRACULA and indeed parts of it, like Murnau’s NOSFERATU (1922), are extremely loyal to the spirit and reality of the novel. But in his zeal to express his profound respect for the medium Coppola also bows to Browning and Lugosi.

Gary Oldman plays the title role (fiercely, tenderly, howlingly) in two stages, first as a wizened, pasty-faced, bouffant-coiffed, satin-robed nobleman (the Murnau/Schreck vision) and later as a dandified, well-heeled aristo-about-town (the Lugosi influence). Using Victorian England, a veritable hothouse of repressed carnality, as the main backdrop, Coppola makes this the most sexualized, eroticized vampire movie in existence.There’s so much to mention and not enough space so here’s the upshot. The movie is a treasure trove of technique and creativity. It’s a sustained, focused, cinematic tour-de-force). It’s atmospheric, exciting, kaleidoscopic. There iss boobies and there is blood and there are more boobies, enjoy!

Horror Rating: 3 out of 5

Boobies Rating: 5 out of 5

Florina Kendrick

Michaela Bercu

Monica Belucci

Monica Belucci

Sadie Frost

Sadie Frost

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The Hills Have Eyes

While not likely to win any real awards, Hills Have Eyes is a surprisingly good (and gory) time! Genuinely creepy and shockingly brutal, there are scenes that will leave you horrified at the possibility that something like this could actually happen, such as the rape scene.

This movie is a remake of the original “The hills have Eyes” made back in 1977 from director Wes Craven and it beats it in every way. No offence Wes, your movies still rock.

And so, for that reason, IMO the movie succeeds in what it sets out to accomplish and I really liked it. Unfortunately, there are some aspects of the movie that may occasionally go over-the-top and enter the realm of “to convenient” or “why would he do That”? And the first third of the movie relies on cheap scares and thunderous music to make you jump which was a little disappointing. But a day later, I’m still thinking about the movie and that’s a good sign.

Horror Rating: 4 out of 5

Boobies Rating: 0 out of 5

Hills have eyes best of Gore

The Hills Have Eyes "Its baseball Time"

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The Eye 2

The Eye 2 is not really a sequel to the Pang Brothers first “Eye” movie, nor is it really a “horror” movie. It’s more like a…supernatural drama—a failed romance, suicide attempt, surprise pregnancy, abortion decisions, and then the nine months to term….but with a twist to the whole sordid affair. I don’t want to give anything away, but those who are familiar with Buddhism and karma will be delighted by the spiritual revelations.

Shu Qi (Transporter 2) gives a fantastic performance as Joey, the suicidally depressed expectant mother. Her ordeal throughout the film (and she goes through some rather hard moments) has less to do with ghosts than it does with just going through an unplanned pregnancy alone—the fears,  the choices, the physical turmoil she is in. The only thing that I did not like about the movie was the hospital rooftop scene(s)—you’ll know what I’m talking about when you see them—which seemed incredibly unnecessary considering what Joey discovered about Karma and Reincarnation. The scenes did provide the requisite cringe factor for a “Horror Movie”, but they did not seem (in my mind at least) to serve the story or do justice to the character. But I suppose there had to be some chilling climax to the whole thing.  On the whole this was still a unique and well-made Supernatural Drama.

Horror Rating: 1 out of 5

Boobies Rating: 0 out of 5

The movie is in Cantonese

The Eye 2

Dark Remains

To my pleasant surprise, “Dark Remains” turns out to be a cut above the usual haunted house end of the horror genre. This tiny, low budget Indie actually delivers a hand full of chills and a high quality creep factor.

This is a simple story about a young married couple. Allen Pyke (Greg Thompson) is a technical writer and his wife Julie (Cheri Christian) sells her artistic photography. They have a young daughter, Emma.

The story goes like this: Julie, awakened during the night, discovers her daughter has been viciously murdered. In an effort to ease the trauma of living in a house filled with reminders of Emma, Allen and Julie move to a country cabin. Strolling though the woods near the country cabin, Julie happens upon an old, abandoned prison and takes interior photos. When she develops the film she finds apparitions in the images.

Some of the plot twist delve into the supernatural but some revolve around plain old spooky humans with criminal intent. But they all hold true to the theme and the feel of the story. Written and directed by Brian Avenet-Bradley, “Dark Remains” he sets a perfect pace for the story. The sets and atmospherics blend well together advancing the arc. Another indication of how low budget this film is, Avenet-Bradley is also credited with cinematography and editing. The special features on the cd are also worth noting.

Documenting a production this small yet this well done gives us an insight into something barely short of guerilla filmmaking that’s rarely seen. In my opinion, “Dark Remains” is an exception to the genre worth the watch.

Horror Rating:  4 out of 5

Boobies Rating: 3 out of 5 (Spooky Rachael Rollings  shower scene)

Rachael Rollings in the background

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Fingerprints

Well I was extremely surprised at how engrossed I became with this movie. Well done and they spent their money in most of the right places so it looks better than it should for it’s lower budget. It’s the lead actress though, that gets the credit for sucking me in to her story. She’s very good and highly believable. Both sisters in this film provide us with solid performances. Other players lack somewhat, especially “Mommy Dearest”  who really needs to go back to acting school, but no matter as the focus is on the story, the girls and these creepy ghost kids.

The director does a fine job of providing plenty of suspense and a few mighty fine jump scares. The whole story is a creepy little ghost tale and it really worked imo. If you like ghost stories then this one is pretty engaging and fairly well done. If you don’t tolerate lower budget then you might want to pass on this title but I found it better than most in the lower budget category. It’s more suspenseful and creepier than Wicked Little Things, the After Dark Horrorfest movie if that helps for comparison purposes.

Horror Rating: 2 out of 5

Boobies Rating: 1 out of 5  (Side shot of  Kristin Cavallari)

Kristin Cavallari

Kristin Cavallari

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Asylum

Horror movies featuring teens and aimed at the teen demographic are a dime a dozen. Teens and young adults are the primary target of the film industry and the shotgun approach of quantity over all else has been a B-Movie staple for generations. Against this backdrop, “The Asylum” is a rare formulaic film that swims against the rush of generic mediocrity. In spite of itself, the Ethan Lawrence script contains the right combination of well worn set elements and plot ingredients to make this film worth watching.

I realize by offering a positive review of “Asylum” I’m pushing against the popular opinion of most, but when one dives into a pool of mundane, one cannot expect to surface with excellence. This is a flawed film to be sure, but the pacing is perfect for the story. Director David R. Ellis’ execution of his vision for a script that’s little more than a collection of clichés is flawless. Overall quality is a feature of this well shot film.

A building (once used as an asylum closed after a viciously sadistic doctor was killed in a patient uprising) has been renovated. It’s now a college dorm populated by emotionally damaged students – and a  dead doctor still roaming the halls. Students go missing… Oversight? How does a non-corporeal being feel pain? And how can a spiritual entity who can materialize anywhere at will be stopped by a door? Beyond that, tension is high, suspense works, and performances surpass the usual B-Horror offering. I find “Asylum” atypical for the genre and rate it as such. To that I will note a very good performance of Sarah Roemer not only because she shows some skin but because amongst all the bad actors in this movie, she shines.

Horror Rating: 2 out of 5

Boobies Rating: 2 out of 5  (Sarah Roemer)

Sarah Roemer

Sarah Roemer

Sarah Roemer

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