Boobies And Blood – Horror Movie Reviews

Masters of Horror Sick Girl

Angela Bettis severely overacts her way through this mediocre installment of “Masters of Horror”, as a hyper-nerdy lesbian bug expert who tends to adopt the voice of an 85-year-old geriatric when speaking to her pet insects at home. Seriously, it’s the most irritating “fake voice” since Pauly Shore’s. She hooks up with Misty Mundae (who, in real life, stars in a lot of soft core horror/porn films) for a fairly hot lesbian tryst, but a mysterious parasitical insect invades Misty’s body and all sorts of interesting transformations begin. Director Lucky McKee draws a little bit from the tricks previously used in his exemplary “May”, and it’s easy to recognize the influence of Cronenberg’s “The Fly”, as well. Unfortunately, this 1 hour episode can’t match the tension sustained throughout the 90 minute “May”, and the overall tone of the weirdness is wholly inconsistent. Yes, Misty Mundae gets naked, and yes, there is a little bit of gore, but the episode, as a whole, is hard to get a handle on, and the cheesy, eye-roll inducing ending doesn’t help matters much either. There are better episodes than this one.

Horror Rating: 1 out of 5

Boobies Rating: 1 out of 5

Jason Goes To Hell 1993

For a Friday the 13th film, the acting in this is surprisingly good. It still has a few actors that make you groan, but the actors who get the most face time are decent and get the job done.

Anyway at one point Jason is a worm. That’s right. A freaking worm. Not only that, but he’s like this demonic worm thing that the worms in Dreamcatcher would probably find attractive. If they hadn’t tried to give Jason this supernatural explanation and had something else in its place, this would have been a lot better. Jason, like the actual Jason with the hockey mask, is really only in the film for maybe ten to fifteen minutes tops. So that hurts the film, in my eyes. They also made Jason make all these weird noises this time around. He was wheezing, breathing heavily, groaning, and grunting. It didn’t fit the character. He was generally silent up until this film and is again in Jason X. So…what the hell? It’s a disappointing sendoff overall for a film labeled as The Final Friday. I guess it wasn’t completely pointless. We did get the Freddy Vs Jason tease at the end, which wasn’t really followed up on for ten years.

Horror Rating: 2 out of 5

Boobies Rating: 1 out of 5

Kathryn Atwood

Darkwolf 2003

Let’s make a great looking movie with CGI, stunts, effects, a ton of production value and good actors. Naturally, we’ll surprise everybody and pull this off on a “B” budget. Of course, we’ll have to have a good story and a great script. How about a werewolf story and we’ll base it on a Fox Home Video production called, “Python!” Fantastic! Now. We need a writer. How about some guy who doesn’t like werewolves or any other creature features. We can have him go into denial and write a film not about werewolves but featuring a werewolf who we can pretend isn’t. But it is. “Darkwolf.” ~~~ RIGHT! ~~~ I give these guys credit for better than “B” level cinematography and there are moments of actually good acting. Yet, no matter how hard they try to produce a mainstream horror thriller on an Indie budget, it still ends up a “B” movie. I’m not going to say a wolf head on an ape suit can’t work, but making the transition from human to creature has been a major trial since the B&W days of Lon Chaney. 21st century audiences are too sophisticated to accept bad transitions or a cheesy monster with glowing eyes. Suddenly CGI is always a deal breaker and throwing in a little gratuitous T&A does not make one forget that every time the film hits its stride it trips over itself. There is obvious potential among the cast and crew and “Darkwolf” comes close being a good horror film.

Horror Rating: 1 out of 5

Boobies Rating: 3 out of 5

Katie Lohman

Bride of the Re Animator

Back in the late 80s when I heard they were making a sequel to Re-Animator I was really scared they were gonna ruin one of my favorite genre flicks of all time. But then I read that Brian Yuzna was gonna take the helm and a few of the original cast members would be present and my fears subsided. This is a really fun return to Re-Animator territory. Jeffrey Combs returns as the kooky Dr. Herbert West with his as-of-yet-unperfected reanimating serum. We begin exactly where the 1st one left off: Bruce Abbott is in the elevator cradling his dead girlfriend. She has died but West has kept her heart. These 2 nutbags have moved past reanimating dead subjects and are now interested in creating new life altogether. Since creating new life has become a possibility for Herbert, he decides to put together a woman using the heart of Abbott’s dead girlfriend. Hey, why not? This one is as much fun as the original. The gore is top-notch, the dialogue is sharp and witty, and the plot is fast-paced. We even get the return of the great David Gale (and yes, he is still carrying around his head). Combs camps it up as only he can with the West character and this time it seems like he won’t stop at anything to test and perfect his serum. Definitely check this one out. Its a worthy successor to the original classic.

Horror Rating: 4 out of 5

Boobies Rating: 3 out of 5

Kathleen Kinmont

Kathleen Kinmont

Black Christmas 2006

More enjoyable than the original! Glen Morgan has done a fine job of writing & directing this remake. Don’t believe the masses this slasher flick is not all bad.

I saw the original “Black Christmas” a half dozen times when it came out. I had remembered it as being something special. But I watched it again a couple of months ago for the first time since then and was shocked that it was slow & kind of a one-trick-pony(phone calls coming from inside the house). Dont get me wrong it was one of the IMPORTANT horror/slasher movies that paved the way and inspired dozens of the genre to follow.

This newer version of Black Christmas has much more action and gives you a much more detailed story the the original. We learn why “Billy” turned out like he did, etc. The movie builds nicely in to a very tight thriller. My only slight critizism is that there are to many characters that we are following when the pace starts heating up.

Horror Rating: 2 out of 5

Boobies Rating: 2 out of 5

Karen Konoval

Are you scared 2008

I’ll start off on a positive note and point out that seemingly the entire female cast is very attractive. Unfortunately that seems to be the only reason they were cast as the acting in this film sets a new standard in crap. The frightened and tormented screams these girls produce almost feel like comedic parodies of what they are actually supposed to be doing. The story backing this movie was weak and flawed. The special effects don’t even deserve to be mentioned. The first film wasn’t anything great…but this one is truly a disaster.

Horror Review: 1 out of 5

Boobies Rating: 2 out of 5

oooh its soo bloody disgusting….nice red colored corn syrup lol

Katherine Rose