Boobies And Blood – Horror Movie Reviews

Amityville Horror 1979

George Lutz is tormented by an unruly spirit that haunts the corridors of his new home and the convolutions of his mind. Director Stuart Rosenberg adapts the infamous novel concerning the Lutz family’s 28 days of paranormal experiences. But the real horror is not the metaphysical but the metaphor: the illusion of tranquility and the Church’s impotence in recognizing the deadly sin of domestic violence. This classic film relies on suspense and ambiguity as it builds towards a supernatural tempest, beginning and ending on a dark and stormy night. The film almost transcend the constraints of genre tropes but falls victim to its own devices: the denouement becomes a sticky morass of supernatural gibberish, offering cliched pronouncements of ancient Indian burial grounds and gates of Hell. But the film works in the first two acts, laying the groundwork for a seething patriarchal conflict as George inherits Kathy’s prefrabricated family and the baggage that come along with it. The mystical events are minimized and can be explained by the prosaic: It’s when people begin talking in tongues about the gates of Hell and George discovers the red room with its pit of gore that the yarn unravels. Lalo Schifrin’s score is the real star of this movie, evoking Bernard Herrmann’s raging PSYCHO strings, which adds to the thickly charged atmosphere.

Horror Rating: 3 out of 5

Boobies Rating: 1 out of 5

Margot Kidder

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Dracula 3: Legacy

Shot on location in Romania, executive producer Wes Craven’s sequel to Dracula II: Ascension.  What is it about vampire films that makes them so closely resemble their subject matter? No matter how many times critics and audiences pound a stake through the heart of a property, it manages to crawl out of its shallow box-office business grave and terrorize us in the home video market. Case in point, Dracula III: Legacy – the primary film of this series, Dracula 2000, is a music video gone wrong (too much focus on breasts ‘n’ blood and not enough on anything else); however, the sequels take a step in the right direction by reigning the visuals in and trying to be straightforward horror films, too bad that’s the only right step they make. Tired of one vampire cliche (the oh-so-gothic New Orleans), the filmmakers opt for another and move the story to a civil-war-torn Romania where the populace’s occupation seems to be standing around until eaten by a vampire. There is a plot somewhere, now-cassockless Uffitzi and Luke are in Romania to pursue Dracula and rescue the fair Elizabeth, but along the way fight the growing forces of the undead. Jason Scott Lee mugs his way through this one, showing all the pathos of a tree stump; London plays the quirky comendy sidekick with little deviation from our expectations; and Diane Neal manages to look good in fangs and a red dress for about fifteen minutes. Special attention must be given to Rutger Hauer’s nigh-cameo, however, as he moves through his entire repetoire of talents in a brief time: snarls, growls, etc. And why is it that the Dracula who was so thoroughly killed in part one (hung from a crucifix in the morning sunlight – he IS Judas Iscariot after all) is so quickly dispatched in this one when his head is lopped off? Furthermore, why Rutger Hauer in the first place? Was the Paul Bettany-lookalike they had in part two unavailable? If you have a yen for vamp films, rent this, all else, avoid. Special points awarded for the director’s pretentious pontification on the vampire myth.

Horror: 2 out of 5

Boobies: 3 out of 5

Diane Neal

Diane Neal

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Devil's Nightmare

It had everything; creepy castle, creepier butler, perfect (although typical) scenario and lots of chicks. The plot although predictable, was pretty good and even had a nifty twist at the end. If you are looking for sex/nudity, it’s here but misplaced. There is a fairly well done scene with two lesbians at the beginning that really didn’t even seem gratuitous. The problem is with the villainess. A sucubus is a sort of supernatural, sexual predator. Not this chick. As she prowls around offing the other cast members, it becomes apparent that all the imagination and creative energy has been expended; (except for the ending). Lame, boring murder methodically follows lame boring murder until everyone’s dead. No more sex, nudity or gore. To be honest, the killings do involve a touch of irony and, well, maybe they are sort of imaginative. Ok, so I’m jaded. I hate 21st century computer effects that are way over the top, that’s why I like this type movie, the beloved cheesey sleazy B flick. So…. where’s the rest of the tastelessness Draw your own conclusions. This movie is far from bad and I recommend it to any fan of the genre. I would simply have preferred more crass & less class. That’s just me.

Horror Rating: 3 out of 5

Boobies Rating: 2 out of 5

Ivana Novak and Shirley Corrigan

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Night Mare on Elm Street 3

In this third installment to the Nightmare series, Freddy’s character takes a hard turn into developing into the fright meister with the wicked wit that we’ve come to know. The FX are much better than the second film and even surpass the efforts of the first. The only problem with this flick is the cornball direction the stories of the victims took this time. If you were to remove the more fantastic effects and some minor language, the story could easily become a fantasy plot geared towards pre-teens in some after school special. Ah, but fortunately we DO have Freddy and the delicious special effects that make this film worth catching, despite the lingering taste of bubblegum afterwards.

Horror Rating: 3 out of 5

Boobies Rating 1 out of 5

Stacey Alden

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Nightmare Man 2006

The Nightmare Man is one of the worst of the Horrorfest 8 Films to Die For. The premise is actually decent, and could have been a better movie with a better cast, and some better writing or editing. The premise starts as this: A woman and her husband are trying to have children and she orders a fertility mask, it is either mistaken, mis-shipped or something (they never do getting around to completely fine-tuning the script) but the mask looks like a demon. Then there is the first of the demon spirit rape scenes. After the encounter with the demon spirit, this woman is going crazy, on major meds, thinking that she sees the nightmare man everywhere. As she and her husband (who she desperately begs to believe her, though we doubt that he does) are driving to institutionalize her, she believes the nightmare man is after her again, and going to kill her this time. Of course, when the car runs out of gas, she waits alone for her husband to go. (terror notwithstanding) Of course, as soon as he is out of sight, Hello Nightmare Man! She runs to a cabin where the people assume that she is off her rocker, and she realizes that she has left her pills in the car. As they begin to be picked off (strangely, with conventional weapons used by the nightmare man) something else seems to be lurking beneath the surface. With a large budget, good acting, and GREAT editing, this movie could have been a good one. Unfortunately, it takes the easy way out a few times, and gets a little silly. The acting is wooden, there is no feelings of investment in the characters, and it is predictable. I can only recommend for the excellent boobies shots and the beautiful woman other then that this movie unfortunately falls short.

Horror Rating: 2 out of 5

Boobies Rating: 4 out of 5

Blythe Metz

Tiffany Shepis

Tiffany Shepis

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Friday the 13th Remake

One of the best horror booby fests around this is the second movie in the friday the 13th series that gets a 5 out of 5 rating for awesome boob shots. Enjoy.  The iconography of Jason has never eluded me. However, after revisiting the first 11 films, it is clear that he is the lone success in an otherwise horrendous horror series that serves only to exemplify the chronology of filmaking in this genre. From low budget, slow chills, to campy cheese fest, to fan friendly gory lunacy. And now the curent entry: A greatest hits of the past 29 years. An established plot(rare), characters who provide the basics (big chest, laughs, cannon fodder) and the true “hero” Jason, faster and more cunning than ever. They execute the madness in a fast paced, goofy albeit visceral way that entertains far more than previous installments. It’s nothing new, but it’s savage, violent and honestly damn entertaining which makes it achieve not a new level of fear, but what we look back on horror as being to us fans: Damn fun.

Horror Rating: 3 out of 5 (not really horrific so to speak but gory and we all love blood)

Boobies Rating: 5 out of 5

Julianna Guill

Julianna Guill

Willa Ford

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Friday the 13th Part 8

By the time you reach the eighth entry in a film series, especially a horror film series like FRIDAY THE 13TH, you have take it for what it is going to be – mindless, pointless, bad B-movie fun. In FRIDAY THE 13TH PART VIII: JASON TAKES MANHATTAN, you get yet another adventure by Jason (Kane Hodder, reprising his role) in his never ending conquest to rid Crystal Lake of annoying teenagers. And here we have a few of them. After being resurrected by a loose cable at the bottom of the lake, Jason boards a cruise ship leaving Crystal Lake and bound for New York. On the ship – a grade full of graduating teens ready to get killed. After murdering most of the crew on board, Jason follows the few survivors to Manhattan, where he chases them through the alleyways, rooftops, subways, and sewers of America’s most grand city. JASON TAKES MANHATTAN is riddled with more plot holes than one of Jason’s victim’s has stab wounds. How does a cruise ship get into a small New Jersey lake like Crystal Lake. Why take a cruise ship from North Jersey – where Crystal Lake is located – to New York? How does that ship get into the ocean? Why are all the teens well into their twenties? Why is there a random cable at the bottom of Crystal Lake? Why don’t the victims get help once in New York? There are tons of questions that are never answered in JASON TAKES MANHATTAN, but it is still fun to watch. The acting is pretty poor, but hey, it’s FRIDAY THE 13TH so who honestly cares. There are some cool deaths, but they are definitely pushing it. Also, the late 80′s feel is excellent, and you have to love the theme song, “The Darkest Side of the Night” by Metropolis… pure late 80′s cheese. Don’t expect a masterpiece, and JASON TAKES MANHATTAN is definitely the worst FRIDAY yet, but don’t worry, worse ones surely follow.

Horror Rating: 1 out of 5

Boobies Rating: 1 out of 5

Tiffany Paulsen

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Friday the 13th Part 6 Jason Lives 1986

Unlike the other Friday the 13th movies this movie contains no Nudity, now this is unlike boobies and blood to post a horror movie without nudity however since im doing all the jason movies I figured I would throw this one out there. In most horror series there comes a point when it turns from strict horror into pure comedy, purposefully. FRIDAY THE 13TH PART 6: JASON LIVES is one of the best self-parodying sequels that you could ask for. It isn’t a great movie by any means, and follows every other FRIDAY THE 13TH film in terms of quality. But at least JASON LIVES dares to be a little different than the rest of the series, which was beginning to dry up by this point. There is not an ounce of fear in this film, just self-referential comedy and token gore. In JASON LIVES, Tommy Jarvis (Thom Mathews) has escaped the hospital he was staying at in the end of the previous film. He has come back to Crystal Lake to dig up Jason and make sure he’s really dead, prompted by the gruesome events of FRIDAY THE 13TH PART 5: A NEW BEGINNING. But when a freak lightening storm resurrects the hockey masked killer, Tommy finds himself responsible for a whole new reign of bloodshed. Meanwhile, Megan (Jennifer Cooke) and her friends have set up a new camp on the old grounds that used to be Camp Crystal Lake. As her fellow camp counselors start getting dispatched, it’s up to her and Tommy to save the day. Mathews and Cooke are awesome leads who really have potential as actors. David Kagen also stars as the town Sheriff. The rest of the cast is forgettable but adequate in their roles, and as a whole they are better than any previous ensamble of Jason’s victims. Tom McLoughlin directs the film and does a great job with the comedy and gore. The suspense is gone, but if you’ve made it this far through the series you can probably expect that. The gore is okay, but nothing excellent. See this movie for the leads, the laughs, and of course for the mid-80′s cheese. But if you like a serious horror movie than steer clear of JASON LIVES, because there is nothing serious about it… and it knows that!
Horror Rating: 2 out of 5
Boobies Rating: 0 out of 5
Heres a nice litte youtube clip of the many deaths in part 6