Boobies And Blood – Horror Movie Reviews

Red Sands 2009

Forget the Taliban, don’t mess with ancient statues when in the Middle East. These soldiers did and now a djinn is out to haunt them with their guilty deeds during the war. Almost the entire movie takes place in the house they are stationed in to monitor traffic on a desolate road. The movie is more of a psychological thriller or paranormal story than a straight horror flick. It was marginally okay despite being almost completely shot through a sepia tone filter. You will be happy to know that the U.S. now has the capability to blow up an entire house with one single hand grenade.

Horror Rating: 3 out of 5

Boobies Rating: 1 out of 5

Sarah Doolan

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Howling 2 1986

Now this is some pretty good trash. Aside from a little pacing issue in the second half, and a want for more topless scenes, I can’t find much fault with “The Howling 2.” You get loads of bad acting, a killer soundtrack, quality camp, and plenty of gory wolf kills. Throw into the mix two clueless leads, a script like “Troll 2,” and one smoking hot Sybil Danning, who hams it up royally as the Werewolf Queen, and you’ve got the makings of an 80′s camp classic. This is superior vintage, and an excellent serving of bad movie lite. Sybil Danning fans, also, this is one you SHOULD NOT MISS. Highly recommended. (PS: The end credits are some of the best ever).

Horror Rating: 2 out of 5

Boobies Rating: 3 out of 5

Sybil Danning

Marsha Hunt

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Decoys 2004

This is a fun movie.Its a sci-fi,horror,comedy type.A college guy meets two hot girls in the laundry room.When they leave he notices that they have left a roll of quarters behind. So he goes to there room to give them back,but there not there.He goes inside anyway and leaves the quarters on the dresser. He hears them at the door and hides in their closet as they are coming into the room. When they start to undress,he is happy until one of the girls have tentacles coming out of her chest. Anyway he finds out that the sorority girls are aliens from outer space,and that they have come to earth trying to breed with the men of Earth so there species will not die out. But the men of Earth can’t handle the breeding process and their bodies freeze from the inside out killing them. The aliens won’t stop doing it,they figure that it will just be a matter of time until the human men will be able to handle it.

Horror Rating: 2 out of 5

Boobies Rating: 2 out of 5

kim poirier and Stefanie von pfetten

kim poirier and Stefanie von pfetten

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texas chainsaw massacre 2003

Well, this wasn’t the blasphemous abomination I assumed it would be.(Michael Bay executive-producing a remake of one of the all-time great horror movies? Hmmm, no thank you!?!) In fact, the movie actually does do alot of things right. Remember the trailer? The atmosphere and mood are near perfect right off the bat. There is a feeling of unease. You almost believe you’re back in the 70′s. And, the re imagined plot makes a little more sense this time around. Once the flick gets going, I like that for the most part it doesn’t let up. The cinematography is first rate. It is used effectively to heighten the creepiness. The cast, for the most part, is good. Jessica Biel looks especially delicious in a tank top, and makes an excellent scream queen. She can’t quite match the unbridled terror of the original movie’s heroine, but, hell, who can? My one major complaint is with R. Lee Emory. He’s a helluva actor, and allot of people love him in this. But, to me, when he showed up, his over-the-top schtick took me right out of the nightmare. All in all, this is the best studio horror film since “The Ring”. If this didn’t bear the name of an all-time classic, I probably would have rated it a little higher. Still, the original terrified me the first time I saw it, taking me seemingly to the edge of insanity-this version just chilled me a little bit.

Horror Rating: 2 out of 5

Boobies Rating: 1/2 out of 5 (Really the only reason i put this movie on this site is the scene where jessica biel is running through the slaughter house and the fire extingiushers suddenly come on and soak her white tank top.)

Jessica Biel

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The Hills have eyes 2 2007

Spoiler alert!!!!!Where do I begin? The acting was terrible and stereotypical. It was so bad that it was almost comedic. Later when the one ‘soldier’ is taking a sh!t, a hand reaches out of the bottom of a porto-potty. There is a lone survivor in there. Now why and how a full grown man would not only be in bottom of a potty but to stay under the sewage is beyond me. It isn’t an outhouse where it could be 10 feet deep. That is only the first in a long list of impossibilities including mutants that are fired upon by weapons that kill with one bullet, let alone a whole magazine, and it still takes them more than that to kill them. We are only exposed too 4 mutants, one of whom is blind, yet these 4 (except for the friendly one) are responsible for not only killing soldiers but a small platoon of them. Then there is the ‘special effects’ which were great…..back in 1982. To cap everything off; they left the door open for part 3 which I won’t be wasting my time or money on.

Horror Rating: 1 out of 5

Boobies Rating:1 out of 5

Cecile Breccia

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Children of the corn 2009

This is a complete and total piece of garbage. I wish I could give it a minus stars rating. It is nothing like Stephen King’s short story, or the original movie  that was based on the short story. Unlikeable characters that I really was glad to see die, too much time wasted watching Burt run endlessly through corn fields. The savior of this movie was probably the most disturbing, SPOILER!!!! was a gratuitous and graphic sex scene in the church where a large group of small children are watching a totally nude male teen “fertilize” a totally nude female teen on an altar. Appalling and totally needed however where are the parents to these child actors? This movie was nothing like the original short story, the bad acting, horrible script and mindless plot made this movie hard to sit through. I bet Stephen King is disgusted by this crap too!

Horror Rating: 1 out of 5

Boobies Rating: 1 out of 5

Some people may remember Zita Vass in the second season of Californication where she shows full frontal nudity!!!!

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The Grapes of Death 1978

Get ready to read, A french horror movie with English subtitles….eeeew, for horror buffs its worth at least a glance, here the synopsis. A plague strikes transmitted in wine strikes a French village turning all who consume the stuff into pus-oozing, rabid maniacs. A girl traveling by train to her fiance’s vineyard finds herself fighting for her life. The influences of Dario Argento and Lucio Fulci are pretty obvious, as is that of George Romero’s “The Crazies”. “Grapes of Death” is one of Rollin’s more accessible films, having a linear storyline and consistent mood. The acting isn’t as bad as in some of his other movies, either.

I’m not going to nitpick over whether these are really zombies or not they’re diseased people who rot and are compelled to kill. Big difference. It’s got some of the good things about Euro horror: beautiful locations, beautiful people, and large quantities of fake-looking, free-flowing gore. It’s got some of the bad things about Euro horror: a sloooow pace and a slim regard for plot. If you can live with that, it’s not a bad movie. The main thing it’s got going for it is the shock value, because the kill scenes are fairly savage. Just don’t watch it too late at night. Not because it will scare you too bad, but because it might be hard to keep awake. Maybe with a nice diseased Merlot

Horror Rating: 2 out of 5

Boobies Rating: 3 out of 5

Brigitte Lahaie

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Turistas 2006

This movie asks the question: do breasts that are erotic on a live body remain erotic on a hollowed out corpse? The answer is yes. Turistas is lazy and unoriginal but it’s never boring. It’s part of that whole English speaking folks (this time an Aussie, a few Americans and two Brits) go to some third world hellhole and fall prey to some real evil savages trend. Except the third world hellhole is Brazil and the savage is some politically motivated surgeon. More thoughts (possible spoilers) 1.) Least abrasive characters live. 2.) There are noble savages -even in Brazil! 3.) Kids in third world world hellholes should be avoided at all costs (Hot babes too.) 4.) Never take the bus. For God’s sake, never take the bus. 5.) Like Knowing, the caves cannot save you. I’d only recommend this to people, like me, who feel compelled to watch every R rated movie the Hollywood garbage machine craps out but then again we are at boobiesandblood.com!

Horror Rating: 3 out of 5

Boobies Rating: 4 out of 5

Beau Garrett

Beau Garrett

Lucy Ramos

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Werewolf hunter 2004

A lot of people obviously don’t get this film. To be fair, the way it’s marketed sets you up for something totally different, a nice B-movie gore fest with scary monsters. But the most frightening thing about this movie is that it’s a true account of the first documented serial killer. So the film really should have been under a different genre.

The Werewolf hunter attempts (sucessfully) to portray a cold blooded killer who just happens to be a romantic at heart. You are thrust into his world of insanity and contradictions. At times he’s gentle and sympathetic, and the next moment he’s thrusting straws into bird’s eyes. Julian Sands plays this part perfectly. At first sympathetic, and finally sadisitic, he reveals the killer over time, never quite letting on when he’s going to snap. The director cuts back and forth between objective reality, and the fantastic delusions of the serial killer. Historically the film is set at a time in Europe when reason and science were struggling to replace folk lore and superstition.

The director plays off that tension by leading us down the werewolf path with a truly repulsive physical transformation. But the credit for the most hideous transformation goes to Sands. Be warned. This movie does contain graphic images of violence against children.  I’m a seasoned horror movie viewer and could barely watch some of the scenes…. However, this film is worth viewing. I’d put it in the same class as “Close Your Eyes”. These are psychological horror films which examine the most frightening monster known to man; himself.

Horror Rating: 3 out of 5

Boobies Rating: 1 out of 5

Elsa Pataky in Werewolf Hunter

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Puppet Master 2: His Unholy Creations 1991

Compared to some of the newer movies and CGI these films may be a bit childish nowadays, but dammit, I still love them and this one tries to be a bit scarier than the first one. Puppet Master 2 His unholy Creations introduces a new puppet, Torch, who is very reminiscent of the Nazis that once tried to murder their creator Andre Toulon. Anyways, they go in search of some brain serum or whatever. It’s all just mindless fun brought to us by the great people of Full Moon productions.  best thing about this movie is a nice scene where scream queen Charlie Spradling shows here lovely globes.

Horror Rating: 2 out of 5

Boobies Rating: 2 out of 5

Charlie Spradling in Puppet Master 2

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