Boobies And Blood – Horror Movie Reviews

Wrong Turn 2

Well it didn’t have the effect on me that the original did but then again I knew what was coming and I watched it on a Saturday afternoon instead of 3:00 a.m. by myself. I give it credit for using some originality with the reality show storyline and appearances from Henry Rollins and Kimberly Caldwell (only really great surprising killing moment). The biggest problem is this movie went from terrifying to gross and corny like later versions of Texas Chainsaw. I still found some enjoyment in this film but it won’t offer you the jump out of your seat moments but it will give you lots of guts!

Horror Rating: 3 out of 5 (Lots of Gore!)

Boobies Rating: 1 out of 5

Crystal Lowe

Crystal Lowe

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Psycho Ward 2008

For starters this movie needs more attractive faces. The camera man couldn’t hold the camera still, and the acting is downright dreadful. If your looking for a movie that shows people actually being murdered rent P2. Psycho Ward provides you with nothing but a good laugh. The killer is overweight, and his mask is ridiculous (he also walks unbelievably slow). The girls  need to learn the basics of sticking together, I mean come on, don’t they know they are in a horror movie? . Psycho Ward is an overall sucky movie, with no blood and no gore, however we do have a very nice boob shot and here it is.

Horror Rating: 1 out of 5

Boobies Rating: 2 out of 5

Eva Redpath

Nicole Bonin

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Its Alive 2008

OK, let’s be strait, this movie is NOT going to be nominated by the academy for anything particular. I can go for the whole “mommy guilt” work up into the script; and frankly, it has been about 1K years since I saw the original, so if the plot line varied, then I am just not aware of it. The quality of production on this was really great. It was obvious that the cast and crew took it serious, yet something still was lacking… I mean, where is/was the mommy hurl? I mean that much huffing & guffing over the baby’s carnage should have produced something if nothing more than just bile. And then the recombinant amount of nipple chewing this kid does should have sealed his doom 10 minutes into the film. I personally haven’t breast fed anything, but my wife would have trashed my kids beyond dental records had she been teethed like this lady has. Maybe I should see the original again and then juxtapose it against this one (yet all films should be judged on their own merit). I’m sure that there was/is a moral or underlying meaning behind the production (like the ‘doink you die’ motif of the slasher film genre), but I am just at a loss for this film.

Horror Rating: 3 out of 5

Boobies Rating: 2 out of 5

Bijou Phillips

Bijou Phillips

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• Boobies Rating: 5 out of 5
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My Bloody Valentine 2009

This slasher film really starts out strong, then has a dramatic lull as relationships develop, and finally finishes predictably, except you’re probably surprised at the slasher’s true identity (I guessed wrong). The beginning of the movie wastes no time, first setting the stage quickly with the newspaper flashback, voice over, technique, then launching into the pivotal horror scene that sets the riddle for the rest of the story – about a dozen people end up as gory bodies, and all within the first 8 minutes of the movie. I figured at this pace the movie would have a record body count, and become overload in about 15 minutes, however, the story then switched to the drama part. The drama story is set ten years later when Tom (Jenson Ackles), who as involved in the earlier horror, suddenly returns to town after 10 years. Of course there’s a love triangle between Tom and Sarah (Jamie King) who’s married to Axel (Kerr Smith), who is the town cop. This plays out against the impending closure of the mine by Tom (the inherited owner), and the slasher, all done up in mining gear with a pick axe, who periodically and innovatively dispatches someone or another. I thought the motel scene with the trucker and nude hooker was one of the more gross scenes. As the story winds down, it’s obvious the slasher is one of two people, and you don’t find out who until the unexpectedly quite logical ending. True to the spirit of Valentine’s Day movies, this story has one of those endings that cries sequel. I thought it was a pretty good horror slasher movie and worth a DVD rental if you like this genre.

Horror Rating: 3 out of 5

Boobies Rating: 3 out of 5

Betsy Rue

Betsy Rue

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Sorority Row 2009

A bunch of shallow, idiotic females getting slashed sounded like great entertainment to me. Unfortunately this one was a big disappointment. It’s a remake of The House on Sorority Row, an I Know What You Did Last Summer-esque movie but this one offers nothing special. When a prank leads to someone’s death, the sorority sisters decide to hide the crime but several months later, someone wants them to pay. The kills were quick and showed little gore, and the females lacked redeeming qualities so it was hard to feel for their pending deaths. It offered some nudity from random sorority sisters but none from the main characters. My main issue is that the movie seemed really long as we got to know way too much about the unlikeable sisters. And the major plot holes and twist after twist had me rolling my eyes. If you enjoy dialogue-driven slasher flicks you might enjoy this one, but as for me, I prefer action, suspense and at least one character I like.

Horror Rating: 1 out of 5

Boobies Rating: 3 out of 5

Deja Kreutzburg

Melissa Lukon

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The Broken 2008

The Broken begins with a quote from Poe’s William Wilson (a doppelgänger story, so literary types are clued in immediately to the theme of the film), and plays out like a Poe story—which means it’s slow, creepy, literary, and artistic! All really good things in my book, but if you’re into horror primarily for shock, gore, or constant terror, this is not the one you’re looking for. The horror here is primarily of the “self-examination and being horrified by what we find within” sort of thing which was one of the obsessions of the 19th Century Romanticists. There are layers of interpretation in this film. Taken at face value it is indeed a Body Snatcher sort of story, where the “aliens” don’t come from outerspace, but from innerspace. On another level, it is the story of every person’s battle with the “shadow” self. If we succeed in killing our shadow, what becomes of us? And on another level, it is a mystery thriller that demands a great deal of attention, because even when we become aware of the “reveal” it is a little tricky to pin down when it actually happened. There is a lot of misdirection. A thinking person’s horror film that is beautifully filmed, brilliantly acted, and just scary and creepy enough to get the blood racing, but not so scary it shuts down the brain and prevents thought—which is essential to enjoying this film.

Horror Rating: 4 out of 5

Boobies Rating: 2 out of 5

Michelle Duncan

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Carrie 1976

This is one of those unofficial classics whose material is still too disreputably pleasurable and macabrely, deviantly funny to be considered the masterpiece of American cinema it actually is. Containing far more emotional truth about growing up different than more supposedly “sensitive” films (Ordinary People, Donnie Darko) this hysterical little fairytale packs a bracing wallop. A young telekinetic girl–the freak daughter of a religious fanatic– becomes a victim of a particularly nasty prank at the prom, gets crowned with pig’s blood and destroys everybody with her powers. Through a mixture of fantastic acting (Spacek and Laurie) pop pulp parody, and stylistic gymnastics (most of which center on the metaphorical device of the split screen) De Palma has here created a shockingly sensational tale of improbably witty and poetic brilliance; sleaze and silliness come together in a comic nightmare about divided perspectives stirring up a hilarious, maggoty mess of guilty social hypocrisies and ordinary story-telling techniques. At the end, all of it goes up in a marvelously irresponsible red blaze of fury. There’s no comparison to Hitchcock or Welles really, Carrie’s simply better than any of their work. Building something new from their stylistic developments Carrie goes much deeper, because it doesn’t play coy and mouse games with its material the way the masters had to with theirs in the past. It’s a great movie

Horror Rating: 3 out of 5

Boobies Rating: 3 out of 5

Sissy spacek, amy irving, nancy Allen

Sissy Spacek

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Amityville Horror 1979

George Lutz is tormented by an unruly spirit that haunts the corridors of his new home and the convolutions of his mind. Director Stuart Rosenberg adapts the infamous novel concerning the Lutz family’s 28 days of paranormal experiences. But the real horror is not the metaphysical but the metaphor: the illusion of tranquility and the Church’s impotence in recognizing the deadly sin of domestic violence. This classic film relies on suspense and ambiguity as it builds towards a supernatural tempest, beginning and ending on a dark and stormy night. The film almost transcend the constraints of genre tropes but falls victim to its own devices: the denouement becomes a sticky morass of supernatural gibberish, offering cliched pronouncements of ancient Indian burial grounds and gates of Hell. But the film works in the first two acts, laying the groundwork for a seething patriarchal conflict as George inherits Kathy’s prefrabricated family and the baggage that come along with it. The mystical events are minimized and can be explained by the prosaic: It’s when people begin talking in tongues about the gates of Hell and George discovers the red room with its pit of gore that the yarn unravels. Lalo Schifrin’s score is the real star of this movie, evoking Bernard Herrmann’s raging PSYCHO strings, which adds to the thickly charged atmosphere.

Horror Rating: 3 out of 5

Boobies Rating: 1 out of 5

Margot Kidder

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Devil's Nightmare

It had everything; creepy castle, creepier butler, perfect (although typical) scenario and lots of chicks. The plot although predictable, was pretty good and even had a nifty twist at the end. If you are looking for sex/nudity, it’s here but misplaced. There is a fairly well done scene with two lesbians at the beginning that really didn’t even seem gratuitous. The problem is with the villainess. A sucubus is a sort of supernatural, sexual predator. Not this chick. As she prowls around offing the other cast members, it becomes apparent that all the imagination and creative energy has been expended; (except for the ending). Lame, boring murder methodically follows lame boring murder until everyone’s dead. No more sex, nudity or gore. To be honest, the killings do involve a touch of irony and, well, maybe they are sort of imaginative. Ok, so I’m jaded. I hate 21st century computer effects that are way over the top, that’s why I like this type movie, the beloved cheesey sleazy B flick. So…. where’s the rest of the tastelessness Draw your own conclusions. This movie is far from bad and I recommend it to any fan of the genre. I would simply have preferred more crass & less class. That’s just me.

Horror Rating: 3 out of 5

Boobies Rating: 2 out of 5

Ivana Novak and Shirley Corrigan

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Nightmare Man 2006

The Nightmare Man is one of the worst of the Horrorfest 8 Films to Die For. The premise is actually decent, and could have been a better movie with a better cast, and some better writing or editing. The premise starts as this: A woman and her husband are trying to have children and she orders a fertility mask, it is either mistaken, mis-shipped or something (they never do getting around to completely fine-tuning the script) but the mask looks like a demon. Then there is the first of the demon spirit rape scenes. After the encounter with the demon spirit, this woman is going crazy, on major meds, thinking that she sees the nightmare man everywhere. As she and her husband (who she desperately begs to believe her, though we doubt that he does) are driving to institutionalize her, she believes the nightmare man is after her again, and going to kill her this time. Of course, when the car runs out of gas, she waits alone for her husband to go. (terror notwithstanding) Of course, as soon as he is out of sight, Hello Nightmare Man! She runs to a cabin where the people assume that she is off her rocker, and she realizes that she has left her pills in the car. As they begin to be picked off (strangely, with conventional weapons used by the nightmare man) something else seems to be lurking beneath the surface. With a large budget, good acting, and GREAT editing, this movie could have been a good one. Unfortunately, it takes the easy way out a few times, and gets a little silly. The acting is wooden, there is no feelings of investment in the characters, and it is predictable. I can only recommend for the excellent boobies shots and the beautiful woman other then that this movie unfortunately falls short.

Horror Rating: 2 out of 5

Boobies Rating: 4 out of 5

Blythe Metz

Tiffany Shepis

Tiffany Shepis

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