Boobies And Blood – Horror Movie Reviews

Little Deaths 2011

This anthology movie goes more in the direction of dark sexuality than actual horror. That is not to say it is bad, just not the same as most anthologies in the horror genre. All three tales are good, however none of them really surpass into excellence, The first, ‘House and Home’, is the strongest of the three. It keeps thinks interesting as you wonder what is going to happen next, your imagination trying to figure out exactly what the people plan to do. I have to say the reveal of this tale shocked me a bit. The second chapter ‘Mutant Tool’ (aka: evil nazi schlong experiment) was the weakest of the stories. I feel they could have fleshed it out a bit and gone to some more horrific places. Not to say it was bad, just the weakest. The final segment, ‘Bitch’  was the more artsy of the lot. It tried to make a good use of colors, but in the end, it felt like it was trying just a bit too hard. The only color they use is blue, with the occasional red and sometimes yellow. I feel it could have been handled better. The ending was done fantastically though, with the finale being ten minutes of no dialogue, and just imagery and music. In the end ‘Little Deaths’ goal of its content is original and worth seeing, with only three segments, it feels as though they are overlong, and they should have added a fourth.

Horror Rating: 2 out of 5

Boobies rating: 3 out of 5

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Jody Jameson

Siubhan Harrison

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Night of the Demons 2009

I am a huge fan of the original Night of the Demons. It was just great cheesy gory sleazy fun. And i am glad to say that although the remake isn’t as good as the original, it does recreate alot of what made the original film so good…great special make up and gore effects, more action than plot (who really needs a big overblown plot in a B-movie anyway), and lots of sleaze. The soundtrack is also pretty damn good (I was actually distracted from a decent girl-on-girl scene because of Type O Negative playing in the background!). I was also pleased that it wasn’t a carbon copy of the first movie, yet it didn’t try to completely re-write the entire story (like many of the remakes out there today). All in all it was a really fun Halloween film. If you are a fan of the original, check this one out.

Horror Rating: 2 out of 5

Boobies Rating: 3 out of 5

shannon elizabeth

diora baird

Unknown nude

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Wizard of Gore 2007 UR

Cripin Glover owns this movie. He’s never given a performance this full of life; he plays Montage the Magician with all the glee of a fratboy who just got the new Madden. No nervous ticks or stammering stutters that are hallmarks of his acting style; here, he’s almost normal. He’s the ultimate used car salesman working his slight of hand to get viewers to buy into what would be a lemon without him. That’s not to say the remake of THE WIZARD OF GORE is all bad, far from it, but the final 5 minutes of predictably contrived nonsense seriously undermines the prior 90 minutes of complete psychotronic headtripping that’s built around blured layers of reality. It’s been years since I’ve seen the original WOG, but I remember thinking it was just as terrible as any other H.G. Lewis film (his importance on the genre isn’t lost on me, but let’s face facts, those movies are pretty disposable – fun, but disposable). Improving upon the original shouldn’t have been hard, but casting Glover is a stoke of genius. He leads a cast that’s a veritable who’s who of the genre. The most notable of which is Jeffrey Combs, who you might not recognize under all his make-up – I didn’t.Director Jeremy Kasten utilizes these great characters to full effect in a story that’s pure 40′s pulp. While Kip Pardue is no Boggart, he wanders through the noirish visuals looking for answers like a half-derranged Sam Spade high on smack and lusting for the Suicide Girls. It’s the Suicide Girls who provide the film with its most exploitative elements, a fact spelled out by the always lovely Bijou Phillips. Montage is misogyny personified, and through the Girl’s butchered bare skin he revels in his hatred for women, or so her sentiments lead us to believe. Figuring out what’s really taking place on stage is all part of the movie’s charm.

Horror Rating: 2 out of 5 (gore lots of fake blood)

Boobies Rating: 5 out of 5

Amina Munster

Amina Munster

Cricket DeManuel

Flux Suicide

Unknown Actress

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2001 Maniacs Field of Screams 2010

“2001 Maniacs” (2005) was a very fun B-Grade gore fest. It even had an indefinable mystique that helped it transcend its material. (Maybe it was the creepy Civil War overtones that were actually taken somewhat seriously amongst all the silly mayhem?) It also had Robert Englund as the mayor, in a performance that was a perfect mix of camp and sinister relish. He managed to pull off a hammy character that somehow was not over-the-top. Well… Now we have a sequel that has lost both the mystique AND Robert Englund. (Bill Moseley is the mayor now. He is a good actor and well liked by us slash fans but it is a thankless task to take on a part that somebody else already put their stamp on.) Some of the other characters return but they feel different… Crossing the line from camp into cornball. The difference? Cornball starts to get old about halfway through. It goes from fun (I enjoyed the first half-hour or so) to downright annoying after a while. In short: A disappointing sequel.

Horror Rating: 2 out of 5

Boobies Rating: 3 out of 5

Alana Curry

Nicole Rae

Nicole Rae

Asa Hope

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Stan Helsing

First of this is not a horror movie, however it was freaking funny and it spoofed a lot of horror movies and hey there are boobs, so that being said it belongs here.

I thought this movie was a total funny goof as it paraded the basic monsters and slashers from he 70s,80s, and early 90s. Silly plot, funny guys, and some seriously hot girls. What more do you need? Stan, a descendant of Van Helsing, is a goofball waste product of a video store clerk on a Halloween night. He is told to deliver some videos. His friends pick him up to go to a costume party, but he asks them to take him on the delivery. They are chased by the baddies, such as Freddie, Pinhead, Chuckie, Leatherface, Michael Myers and Jason. It was meant to be a funny popcorn movie to waste a litte time and make you giggle. The late great Leslie Nielsen makes a cameo, probably one of his last appearances. The movie looked like it was a lot of fun to make. It was meant to be mindless fun.

Horror Rating: 0 out of 5

Boobies Rating: 3 out of 5

Holly Eglington

Ildiko Ferenczi

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The Mephisto Waltz 1971

Cheeseball 70′s Satanism (which mainly infers a very complicated version of wife-swapping), mixed with tv-movie production values and late 60′s visual weirdness, plus a cast who went on to better things equals… well, not a scarefest, but an interesting look back at nostalgia. Produced by Quinn Martin (who did the shows THE FUGITIVE, THE INVADERS, CANNON, BARNABY JONES), who’s not known for frightening audiences, and it shows – the (great) score by Jerry Goldsmith does all of the heavy lifting in providing scares. It does, however, feature a Devil Dog five years before THE OMEN made it fashionable, child actress Pamelyn Ferdin (who doesn’t get much screentime and who’s killed off rather quickly), and Alan Alda & Jackie Bisset before they got really famous. It also seems to infer the moral, “If you can’t beat ‘em – join ‘em!” which may not be the thing to take away from a picture concerning Satanism. But it’s not like it advocates it either. Anyway, you’ll either be enthralled by the cheese factor, or fighting to stay awake through the ‘tension’.

Horror Rating: 2 out of 5

Boobies Rating: 3 out of 5

Jacqueline Bisset

Unknown Nude

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Meridian Kiss of The Beast 1990

If you really like Sherilyn Fenn, then you may want to watch this movie. If you fondly recall poor quality movies from the 80′s, you may want to watch this movie. If you want to watch the silly costumed monster pictured on the front cover have sex with Sherilyn Fenn (which is wrong on so many accounts) you may want to watch this movie. If not, then you definitely don’t want to watch this movie. It really sucks pretty bad. It’s low budget, makes little sense, relies on a freaky sideshow for it’s texture. You will see Sherilyn laying on a bed topless for an extended period of time and she sure isn’t bad to look at, but then you’re forced to watch the beast mount her while she seems to act like this is an everyday event–again, disturbing. And you’ll see the very large chested Charlie topless and reclining or standing in several briefer scenes. Theres very little plot, the special effects are poor, there’s no drama or mystery. You just get a silly costume, an all too brief naked Sherilyn and alot of time to wonder what you were thinking. I’d suggest you keep looking for a better title. Too bad there’s no foul language or Gore, its all too silly to be labeled a Horror Movie really, the movie itself is the true horror. The beast on Sherilyn….that’s just so wrong. How did anyone keep a straight face?

Horror Rating: 0 out of 5

Boobies Rating: 4 out of 5

Sherilyn Fenn

Sherilyn Fenn

Sherilyn Fenn

Charlie Spradling our favorite Scream Queen!!!

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Howling 2 1986

Now this is some pretty good trash. Aside from a little pacing issue in the second half, and a want for more topless scenes, I can’t find much fault with “The Howling 2.” You get loads of bad acting, a killer soundtrack, quality camp, and plenty of gory wolf kills. Throw into the mix two clueless leads, a script like “Troll 2,” and one smoking hot Sybil Danning, who hams it up royally as the Werewolf Queen, and you’ve got the makings of an 80′s camp classic. This is superior vintage, and an excellent serving of bad movie lite. Sybil Danning fans, also, this is one you SHOULD NOT MISS. Highly recommended. (PS: The end credits are some of the best ever).

Horror Rating: 2 out of 5

Boobies Rating: 3 out of 5

Sybil Danning

Marsha Hunt

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texas chainsaw massacre 2003

Well, this wasn’t the blasphemous abomination I assumed it would be.(Michael Bay executive-producing a remake of one of the all-time great horror movies? Hmmm, no thank you!?!) In fact, the movie actually does do alot of things right. Remember the trailer? The atmosphere and mood are near perfect right off the bat. There is a feeling of unease. You almost believe you’re back in the 70′s. And, the re imagined plot makes a little more sense this time around. Once the flick gets going, I like that for the most part it doesn’t let up. The cinematography is first rate. It is used effectively to heighten the creepiness. The cast, for the most part, is good. Jessica Biel looks especially delicious in a tank top, and makes an excellent scream queen. She can’t quite match the unbridled terror of the original movie’s heroine, but, hell, who can? My one major complaint is with R. Lee Emory. He’s a helluva actor, and allot of people love him in this. But, to me, when he showed up, his over-the-top schtick took me right out of the nightmare. All in all, this is the best studio horror film since “The Ring”. If this didn’t bear the name of an all-time classic, I probably would have rated it a little higher. Still, the original terrified me the first time I saw it, taking me seemingly to the edge of insanity-this version just chilled me a little bit.

Horror Rating: 2 out of 5

Boobies Rating: 1/2 out of 5 (Really the only reason i put this movie on this site is the scene where jessica biel is running through the slaughter house and the fire extingiushers suddenly come on and soak her white tank top.)

Jessica Biel

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The Hills have eyes 2 2007

Spoiler alert!!!!!Where do I begin? The acting was terrible and stereotypical. It was so bad that it was almost comedic. Later when the one ‘soldier’ is taking a sh!t, a hand reaches out of the bottom of a porto-potty. There is a lone survivor in there. Now why and how a full grown man would not only be in bottom of a potty but to stay under the sewage is beyond me. It isn’t an outhouse where it could be 10 feet deep. That is only the first in a long list of impossibilities including mutants that are fired upon by weapons that kill with one bullet, let alone a whole magazine, and it still takes them more than that to kill them. We are only exposed too 4 mutants, one of whom is blind, yet these 4 (except for the friendly one) are responsible for not only killing soldiers but a small platoon of them. Then there is the ‘special effects’ which were great…..back in 1982. To cap everything off; they left the door open for part 3 which I won’t be wasting my time or money on.

Horror Rating: 1 out of 5

Boobies Rating:1 out of 5

Cecile Breccia

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