Boobies And Blood – Horror Movie Reviews

Wrong Turn 3: Left for Dead 2009

If you were into the first two films as I was, then you will enjoy this inbred splatterfest. A bus load of convicts get loose, stumble upon millions of dollars and, end up cutting the head off the mutant killer’s son and putting it on a pole. Not a smart move. The kill scenes were first rate and really carried what would have been a tired, played out sequel. Axe killings, several arrow killings, stabbing, cut up with sickle, impaled with huge spike, burned alive, wrapped in razor wire, dragged to death, face sliced off, split in three pieces and multiple cannibal scenes will keep you entertained. A must for slasher fans and anyone that has seen the first two…

Horror Rating: 3 out of 5

Boobies Rating: 2 out of 5

Louise Cliffe

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Wrong Turn 2

Well it didn’t have the effect on me that the original did but then again I knew what was coming and I watched it on a Saturday afternoon instead of 3:00 a.m. by myself. I give it credit for using some originality with the reality show storyline and appearances from Henry Rollins and Kimberly Caldwell (only really great surprising killing moment). The biggest problem is this movie went from terrifying to gross and corny like later versions of Texas Chainsaw. I still found some enjoyment in this film but it won’t offer you the jump out of your seat moments but it will give you lots of guts!

Horror Rating: 3 out of 5 (Lots of Gore!)

Boobies Rating: 1 out of 5

Crystal Lowe

Crystal Lowe

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Psycho Ward 2008

For starters this movie needs more attractive faces. The camera man couldn’t hold the camera still, and the acting is downright dreadful. If your looking for a movie that shows people actually being murdered rent P2. Psycho Ward provides you with nothing but a good laugh. The killer is overweight, and his mask is ridiculous (he also walks unbelievably slow). The girls  need to learn the basics of sticking together, I mean come on, don’t they know they are in a horror movie? . Psycho Ward is an overall sucky movie, with no blood and no gore, however we do have a very nice boob shot and here it is.

Horror Rating: 1 out of 5

Boobies Rating: 2 out of 5

Eva Redpath

Nicole Bonin

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My Bloody Valentine 2009

This slasher film really starts out strong, then has a dramatic lull as relationships develop, and finally finishes predictably, except you’re probably surprised at the slasher’s true identity (I guessed wrong). The beginning of the movie wastes no time, first setting the stage quickly with the newspaper flashback, voice over, technique, then launching into the pivotal horror scene that sets the riddle for the rest of the story – about a dozen people end up as gory bodies, and all within the first 8 minutes of the movie. I figured at this pace the movie would have a record body count, and become overload in about 15 minutes, however, the story then switched to the drama part. The drama story is set ten years later when Tom (Jenson Ackles), who as involved in the earlier horror, suddenly returns to town after 10 years. Of course there’s a love triangle between Tom and Sarah (Jamie King) who’s married to Axel (Kerr Smith), who is the town cop. This plays out against the impending closure of the mine by Tom (the inherited owner), and the slasher, all done up in mining gear with a pick axe, who periodically and innovatively dispatches someone or another. I thought the motel scene with the trucker and nude hooker was one of the more gross scenes. As the story winds down, it’s obvious the slasher is one of two people, and you don’t find out who until the unexpectedly quite logical ending. True to the spirit of Valentine’s Day movies, this story has one of those endings that cries sequel. I thought it was a pretty good horror slasher movie and worth a DVD rental if you like this genre.

Horror Rating: 3 out of 5

Boobies Rating: 3 out of 5

Betsy Rue

Betsy Rue

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Sorority Row 2009

A bunch of shallow, idiotic females getting slashed sounded like great entertainment to me. Unfortunately this one was a big disappointment. It’s a remake of The House on Sorority Row, an I Know What You Did Last Summer-esque movie but this one offers nothing special. When a prank leads to someone’s death, the sorority sisters decide to hide the crime but several months later, someone wants them to pay. The kills were quick and showed little gore, and the females lacked redeeming qualities so it was hard to feel for their pending deaths. It offered some nudity from random sorority sisters but none from the main characters. My main issue is that the movie seemed really long as we got to know way too much about the unlikeable sisters. And the major plot holes and twist after twist had me rolling my eyes. If you enjoy dialogue-driven slasher flicks you might enjoy this one, but as for me, I prefer action, suspense and at least one character I like.

Horror Rating: 1 out of 5

Boobies Rating: 3 out of 5

Deja Kreutzburg

Melissa Lukon

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The Broken 2008

The Broken begins with a quote from Poe’s William Wilson (a doppelgänger story, so literary types are clued in immediately to the theme of the film), and plays out like a Poe story—which means it’s slow, creepy, literary, and artistic! All really good things in my book, but if you’re into horror primarily for shock, gore, or constant terror, this is not the one you’re looking for. The horror here is primarily of the “self-examination and being horrified by what we find within” sort of thing which was one of the obsessions of the 19th Century Romanticists. There are layers of interpretation in this film. Taken at face value it is indeed a Body Snatcher sort of story, where the “aliens” don’t come from outerspace, but from innerspace. On another level, it is the story of every person’s battle with the “shadow” self. If we succeed in killing our shadow, what becomes of us? And on another level, it is a mystery thriller that demands a great deal of attention, because even when we become aware of the “reveal” it is a little tricky to pin down when it actually happened. There is a lot of misdirection. A thinking person’s horror film that is beautifully filmed, brilliantly acted, and just scary and creepy enough to get the blood racing, but not so scary it shuts down the brain and prevents thought—which is essential to enjoying this film.

Horror Rating: 4 out of 5

Boobies Rating: 2 out of 5

Michelle Duncan

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Night Mare on Elm Street 3

In this third installment to the Nightmare series, Freddy’s character takes a hard turn into developing into the fright meister with the wicked wit that we’ve come to know. The FX are much better than the second film and even surpass the efforts of the first. The only problem with this flick is the cornball direction the stories of the victims took this time. If you were to remove the more fantastic effects and some minor language, the story could easily become a fantasy plot geared towards pre-teens in some after school special. Ah, but fortunately we DO have Freddy and the delicious special effects that make this film worth catching, despite the lingering taste of bubblegum afterwards.

Horror Rating: 3 out of 5

Boobies Rating 1 out of 5

Stacey Alden

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Friday the 13th Remake

One of the best horror booby fests around this is the second movie in the friday the 13th series that gets a 5 out of 5 rating for awesome boob shots. Enjoy.  The iconography of Jason has never eluded me. However, after revisiting the first 11 films, it is clear that he is the lone success in an otherwise horrendous horror series that serves only to exemplify the chronology of filmaking in this genre. From low budget, slow chills, to campy cheese fest, to fan friendly gory lunacy. And now the curent entry: A greatest hits of the past 29 years. An established plot(rare), characters who provide the basics (big chest, laughs, cannon fodder) and the true “hero” Jason, faster and more cunning than ever. They execute the madness in a fast paced, goofy albeit visceral way that entertains far more than previous installments. It’s nothing new, but it’s savage, violent and honestly damn entertaining which makes it achieve not a new level of fear, but what we look back on horror as being to us fans: Damn fun.

Horror Rating: 3 out of 5 (not really horrific so to speak but gory and we all love blood)

Boobies Rating: 5 out of 5

Julianna Guill

Julianna Guill

Willa Ford

America Olivo

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Friday the 13th Part 8

By the time you reach the eighth entry in a film series, especially a horror film series like FRIDAY THE 13TH, you have take it for what it is going to be – mindless, pointless, bad B-movie fun. In FRIDAY THE 13TH PART VIII: JASON TAKES MANHATTAN, you get yet another adventure by Jason (Kane Hodder, reprising his role) in his never ending conquest to rid Crystal Lake of annoying teenagers. And here we have a few of them. After being resurrected by a loose cable at the bottom of the lake, Jason boards a cruise ship leaving Crystal Lake and bound for New York. On the ship – a grade full of graduating teens ready to get killed. After murdering most of the crew on board, Jason follows the few survivors to Manhattan, where he chases them through the alleyways, rooftops, subways, and sewers of America’s most grand city. JASON TAKES MANHATTAN is riddled with more plot holes than one of Jason’s victim’s has stab wounds. How does a cruise ship get into a small New Jersey lake like Crystal Lake. Why take a cruise ship from North Jersey – where Crystal Lake is located – to New York? How does that ship get into the ocean? Why are all the teens well into their twenties? Why is there a random cable at the bottom of Crystal Lake? Why don’t the victims get help once in New York? There are tons of questions that are never answered in JASON TAKES MANHATTAN, but it is still fun to watch. The acting is pretty poor, but hey, it’s FRIDAY THE 13TH so who honestly cares. There are some cool deaths, but they are definitely pushing it. Also, the late 80′s feel is excellent, and you have to love the theme song, “The Darkest Side of the Night” by Metropolis… pure late 80′s cheese. Don’t expect a masterpiece, and JASON TAKES MANHATTAN is definitely the worst FRIDAY yet, but don’t worry, worse ones surely follow.

Horror Rating: 1 out of 5

Boobies Rating: 1 out of 5

Tiffany Paulsen

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Friday the 13th Part 6 Jason Lives 1986

Unlike the other Friday the 13th movies this movie contains no Nudity, now this is unlike boobies and blood to post a horror movie without nudity however since im doing all the jason movies I figured I would throw this one out there. In most horror series there comes a point when it turns from strict horror into pure comedy, purposefully. FRIDAY THE 13TH PART 6: JASON LIVES is one of the best self-parodying sequels that you could ask for. It isn’t a great movie by any means, and follows every other FRIDAY THE 13TH film in terms of quality. But at least JASON LIVES dares to be a little different than the rest of the series, which was beginning to dry up by this point. There is not an ounce of fear in this film, just self-referential comedy and token gore. In JASON LIVES, Tommy Jarvis (Thom Mathews) has escaped the hospital he was staying at in the end of the previous film. He has come back to Crystal Lake to dig up Jason and make sure he’s really dead, prompted by the gruesome events of FRIDAY THE 13TH PART 5: A NEW BEGINNING. But when a freak lightening storm resurrects the hockey masked killer, Tommy finds himself responsible for a whole new reign of bloodshed. Meanwhile, Megan (Jennifer Cooke) and her friends have set up a new camp on the old grounds that used to be Camp Crystal Lake. As her fellow camp counselors start getting dispatched, it’s up to her and Tommy to save the day. Mathews and Cooke are awesome leads who really have potential as actors. David Kagen also stars as the town Sheriff. The rest of the cast is forgettable but adequate in their roles, and as a whole they are better than any previous ensamble of Jason’s victims. Tom McLoughlin directs the film and does a great job with the comedy and gore. The suspense is gone, but if you’ve made it this far through the series you can probably expect that. The gore is okay, but nothing excellent. See this movie for the leads, the laughs, and of course for the mid-80′s cheese. But if you like a serious horror movie than steer clear of JASON LIVES, because there is nothing serious about it… and it knows that!
Horror Rating: 2 out of 5
Boobies Rating: 0 out of 5
Heres a nice litte youtube clip of the many deaths in part 6