Boobies And Blood – Horror Movie Reviews

Screaming Dead 2003

Remember, these guys started out as a bunch of college kids who loved movies and ran around with a video camera making their own sexy slasher flicks. Finally they got someone with a few bucks to back this movie. They made a tidy sum doing sexy Showtime After Dark type movies until they were able to pull off their first attempt at a “mainstream” B movie. This is it. It’s not extremely scary, but it’s very dark and spooky. It’s also a rip-off of lots of other horror flicks (It’s almost an item by item copy of House on Haunted Hill), but if you go into with the idea of just having fun with it, it’s not all that bad. The opening 5 minutes introducing the main psycho character is awesome, and you never really figure this guy out. Is he just an artist, a pervert, or totally insane? You’ll never quite be sure. And Misty can strip and scream along with the very best of the B movie girls! There’s a lot worse things you can waste your 88 minutes on!

Horror Rating: 2 out of 5

Boobies Rating: 3 out of 5

C.J. DiMarsico

Misty Mundae

Misty Mundae

Misty Mundae

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The Grapes of Death 1978

Get ready to read, A french horror movie with English subtitles….eeeew, for horror buffs its worth at least a glance, here the synopsis. A plague strikes transmitted in wine strikes a French village turning all who consume the stuff into pus-oozing, rabid maniacs. A girl traveling by train to her fiance’s vineyard finds herself fighting for her life. The influences of Dario Argento and Lucio Fulci are pretty obvious, as is that of George Romero’s “The Crazies”. “Grapes of Death” is one of Rollin’s more accessible films, having a linear storyline and consistent mood. The acting isn’t as bad as in some of his other movies, either.

I’m not going to nitpick over whether these are really zombies or not they’re diseased people who rot and are compelled to kill. Big difference. It’s got some of the good things about Euro horror: beautiful locations, beautiful people, and large quantities of fake-looking, free-flowing gore. It’s got some of the bad things about Euro horror: a sloooow pace and a slim regard for plot. If you can live with that, it’s not a bad movie. The main thing it’s got going for it is the shock value, because the kill scenes are fairly savage. Just don’t watch it too late at night. Not because it will scare you too bad, but because it might be hard to keep awake. Maybe with a nice diseased Merlot

Horror Rating: 2 out of 5

Boobies Rating: 3 out of 5

Brigitte Lahaie

unknown nude actress

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Zombie Night 2003

First, a little warning… there is no way to skip the trailers and previews before the main menu appears. I tried everything, the only button that responded was the eject button. So if you do not chuck a brick at the TV before-hand you will wish you had. This movie… ugh… well to start the characters and story were laughable at best, but I guess that was to match the acting which was so bad that they flubbed some of their lines but just kept filming. The zombies looked good but these zombies must have had some sort of magical powers since anyone touched by a zombie just yells a little then lays down and dies. Joking aside though, this movie was just terrible. There was some gore but can you count using Spaghetti Os as a special effect gore? I cant really recommend this even if you’re a zombie fan. No action, no sense of desperation, nothing redeeming here at all. You will more than likely just grow annoyed with the movie. But, I did learn one thing from this movie. If I’m ever attacked by a few zombies I can block their advance with a few empty orange crates.

Horror Rating 1 out of 5

Boobies Rating 2 out of 5

Sandra Segovic

unknown actress

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Resident Evil Apocalypse

If you went into this movie expecting anything other than a fast paced action flick then no wonder you were disappointed. Action films are notorious for ill-fated scripts and bad dialogue. This film was made for 2 reasons, to appeal to the fans of the video game and to appeal to those who enjoy action movies.

I am not a fan of the video game but enjoyed the movie from a strictly entertainment point of view. The movie left me with a sense excitement due to the almost non-stop action and faced paced script. Yeah the plot itself doesn’t hold much weight but hey you don’t see a movie called Resident Evil expecting an Oscar-worthy performance. This movie is  full of lines so corny they will make you laugh and at times the bad acting will make you itch.  Aside from the craptastic acting we do have boobies and we do have blood and hey there’s zombies too.  Not a true horror movie in my eyes but it does have its merits.

Horror Rating: 1 out of 5

Boobies Rating: 1 out of 5

Ana Danilina and Venice Grant

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House of The Dead

Oh so painfully, painfully lame. Plot holes you could sail a battleship through, cheap under-par sets, terrible scripting, and oh look, the cop has a magic holster that fills her gun with bullets! Watching someone play the very shallow arcade game that this was based on is more fun and exciting than this washed-out wad of tripe. This is nothing but a big tacky ball of tedium made to ride on the success of a very aged and tired video game who’s glory days are long since past.

At one point the kids find a ships log that tells of a crewman that killed the Captain and the whole crew and went on to beach the ship and go crazy. So tell me, who wrote all this down in the ships log if everyone but the maniac was dead? Holes like this are more than abundant and continuity is a term lost on these guys. A bad ride all around, give it a missthis ones a “sure snore”.

Horror Rating: 1 out of 5

Boobies Rating: 3 out of 5

Erica Durance

Penny Phang

Sonya Salomaa

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Diary of the Dead

Diary of the Dead brings George Romero back to the genre he helped to create, complete with a delicious social commentary. A kind of Cloverfield meets zombies, this movie is very well done. Jason (Joshua Close) is a film student making a horror movie, when on the news are some breaking reports of zombies (though no one seems to know what they are, other than walking dead.) As more and more news begins to come through, Jason decides to keep filming their experience, partly to cope with his terror over the situation, partly to produce a truthful documentary, especially as it seems that the government begins to cover up information. Though Diary of the Dead is low budget, the acting isn’t bad, the effects are pretty decent, and the story is well done. George Romero cautiously tells the story of how anarchy, martial law, and survivalists come to the front of the war, with a voyeuristic view. Purist zombie fans will not be disappointed with the: “dead things can’t movie fast” aspect. Clearly this movie isn’t for everyone, but if you missed Romero’s social commentary with the dead, this is one you will not be disappointed in. If you are a purist and a zombie lover, this is one for you.

Horror Rating: 4 out of 5

Boobies Rating: 2 out of 5

Amy Ciupak

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Ghost Lake

The only scary part of this movie is the acting. Easily one of the worst zombie movies i’ve ever seen. With B-horror films I expect & disregard bad acting but I at least expect a lot of gore, makeup & special effects, and suspenseful scenes, unfortunately this movie had none of that. The facial makeup and effects of the zombies resembled more like mushed- bananas or over-boiled oatmeal

This movie is more of a bad comedy than it is a serious horror film… It’s so lousy and ridiculous that I laughed all the way through it.  The only saving grace of this movie is the Boobies being shown in the first 15 minutes or so, after that you can turn it off.

Horror Rating: 1 out of 5

Boobies Rating: 2 out of 5

Tatum Adair

Tatum Adair

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The Hills Have Eyes

While not likely to win any real awards, Hills Have Eyes is a surprisingly good (and gory) time! Genuinely creepy and shockingly brutal, there are scenes that will leave you horrified at the possibility that something like this could actually happen, such as the rape scene.

This movie is a remake of the original “The hills have Eyes” made back in 1977 from director Wes Craven and it beats it in every way. No offence Wes, your movies still rock.

And so, for that reason, IMO the movie succeeds in what it sets out to accomplish and I really liked it. Unfortunately, there are some aspects of the movie that may occasionally go over-the-top and enter the realm of “to convenient” or “why would he do That”? And the first third of the movie relies on cheap scares and thunderous music to make you jump which was a little disappointing. But a day later, I’m still thinking about the movie and that’s a good sign.

Horror Rating: 4 out of 5

Boobies Rating: 0 out of 5

Hills have eyes best of Gore

The Hills Have Eyes "Its baseball Time"

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Quarantine

The first 30 min or so is a blatantly obvious and mundane character/story building. It’s got very little relevance to rest of the movie and could’ve been condensed. It really shows off how bad the acting for the rest of the movie will be, its terrible.

When the actual horror begins, A news reporter and a camera man follows a firemen , responding to a distress call. Upon entering the premise, the crew confronts a sickly, incoherent female, who soon turns violent. The mysterious infection quickly spreads and the chaos begins. People drop one by one, in a predictable manner.

There are  a lot of distracting elements that disconnected me from the film. The redundant camera shake seems to be a terrible growing trend, especially in the midst of action (Cloverfield and the Blair Witch…). I couldn’t make sense of what was going on in the screen at all. They could have been sitting on the couch, sipping tea, for all I know.. Also, when there’s too much dialogue in a horror movie, it becomes a distraction especially when its written by a six year old. It prevents you from having a chance to absorb the tension, that it tries to build. There were jabbering, yacking and screaming throughout the entire movie without pause. This became an annoyance rather quickly. There were only a  few alarming parts (when a guy tries to walk on his dangling foot), and a handful of effective scare tactics. Mildly enjoyable but forgettable.

Horror Rating: 2 out of 5

Boobies Rating: 0 out of 5